entry_12122025
Today I really tried. I didn't fail, because I tried. Things happen, sometimes one shouldn't pay too much attention to it. Like when you and I stopped existing.
entry_13122025
Experiencing intense pre-psychotic symptoms, auditory hallucinations, disorganized thoughts, intense paranoia in the subway, general feeling of frustration and ignorance.
alone in the noun, Atoum thought of his children to be. from his heart he knew their names and spoke them: Shou, the air ; Tefnout, the moisture, loss of coherent perception of reality
mental dissociation, fear. Paroxystic yet familiar feeling.
Today someone told me that all this code was worthless, and not needed anymore in our times. I don't know why I didn't want to use AI, I guess it's just less fun for me. be
Either way, it wouldn't have interested anyone. So I guess I will keep going.
entry_27012026
If death isn't my destiny, if I've been mistaking this whole time, then where do I belong ?
entry_05052026
I'm coming back after a while, digging through those files, and I'm thinking to myself : "this doesn't even look like ongoing work, it's just bland". I doubt very much of my capacity to change that, but I will try again, little by little, to make this website actually strcturate.
entry_28052026
Failed to kill myself. No hope left whatsoever, oh wait, it's back : three pills, a few lines, I'm up for psychosis and innerdeath again. I was born ready ! Like that Lana del fucky Rey.
entry_02062026
I'm in deep shit again.
Here's your fucking clue :
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I'm so hungry. How many days without sleep ? Howw many moons and oh so terryfying suns ? Who am I, and wwhere am I going to end up. Why do I do this ? I share the pain but keep the satisfaction fr myself. I wish I didn't, it's just too valuable for me.
entry_21072026
Tonight feels weak. I did a lot of stupid pointless stuff today. I'm happy I did those but it just did'nt get me better or farther from my issues. Aaaah but I'm so tired of stimulants and cigarettes... The worst is chess, oh my god this is like a prison of the mind, you want to win at the beginning, but one move after that and you don't even care if you give up or disconnect, why is the human brain so into itself like that... The person who created the so called "London System" has none of my sympathy right now.
entry_22072026
What's the point. I miss sleep. Why am I in this room ? Let's go meet who I'm supposed to meet, chill, maybe find my stuff, and be nice to those I love. I don't want to freak them out, I never did.
Apparently my country is starting to strengthen its rules in regard of social media, information and web data. Funk me haha, they'll never find the Hive Archives. Furthermore, social media is hard to define nowadays.
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Why do I repeat my mistakes, especially when I'm so glad they are over. This drug again, why this one, why is this drug so hard to say good bye to, expecially when being on it is not really fun ?
Anyway, what is done is done. The rest of the day won't be as easy going as the beginning, but I'll certainly be hitting the slopes tonight. The provider changed today, hopefully for the best. The snow is certainly looking gorgeous! Oh, it hasn't changed that much...