the reason
I forgot the reason. I forgot. I don't know how to live with people anymore than I do alone. I hate everyone until I run out of alcohol and then I realize once more that I fucked up my life because I wanted to.I feel sorry that this impacts other people lives, I never meant to make anyone sad. I wanted to make them angry. I wanted anger to finally sore and clear the sky. I will never be useful to society, and it's okay because it's decaying.
But I always thought that one day I could live my own life. I thought that through working, studying, caring, I would become self sufiicient. Now that I failed, I only have the exhaustion, the depression, and the isolation.
I know I should dwell, but I also know that I'm nothing. Again, a paradox. So, if even the tinyest thing one could believe in alive is dust, to me everything becomes dust.